How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life (9 Steps)

How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life : 9 Steps

You’re lost. You’re ashamed to admit that you don’t know who you truly are. You have no idea what you want in life. In truth, you feel like a complete stranger to yourself.

Can you relate?

If so, don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with you. What you’re experiencing is the product of living in a society that is constantly trying to tell you who THEY think you are. (And that’s freakin’ disorienting, demoralizing, and overwhelming.)

Put simply, not knowing who you authentically are can be ungrounding, confusing, and scary. You’ll be dragged here and there by life without remaining in the center of your being. You’ll enter one job, relationship, and life commitment after another, quickly realizing that they’re not meant for you.

… and you’ll repeat this confusing cycle over and over again until you learn how to find yourself.

Would you like to feel confident in who you are? Would you like to fully embrace your strengths, gifts, and destiny? Would you like to find the meaning of your life? Would you like to find relationships, friendships, and connections that truly nourish your soul (and don’t drain you)?

If so, it’s time to do some soul searching. It’s time to find yourself.

Why You’re Struggling to Find Yourself (It’s Multi-Layered)

There are a number of reasons why it’s so difficult to know who you really are. Some of the main explanations include:

  • You were raised in a dysfunctional family that devalued individuality and had strict family roles
  • You’ve developed low self-esteem as a result of negative life experiences – and the thoughts (or stories) in your head prevent you from seeing your true beauty/power
  • You’re being heavily influenced by the media including TV shows, movies, ads, YouTube channels, Instagram celebrities, etc. who make you think that you need to be someone you’re not (thus, demoralizing you even more)
  • You’re surrounded by people who reinforce inauthenticity, low self-esteem, and poor decision making – these people feed the cycle of your insecurity and confusion
  • Your daily habits, commitments, and life choices prevent you from taking the time to soul search and find who you truly are
    Let’s explore these above points a little more in detail below:

1# You were raised in a dysfunctional family

Your childhood impacts your adult life and day-to-day existence tremendously. Your childhood years were your formation years: they created the foundation of the beliefs, behaviors, and values you carry right now.

Those raised in dysfunctional families tend to develop a weak sense of self because, as children, all their energy was invested externally. When a child must be hyper-vigilant (and protect itself against abandonment, abuse, etc.), they have no energy left to play, explore, and enjoy life. In other words, there’s no inner energy left, and thus, a child’s identity becomes frail and dependant on the external world for validation.

Dysfunctional families often have strict roles in which no one is permitted to be an individual (this is called enmeshment) or grow and change. In fact, any deviation from what “I am supposed to be and do” is punished, and therefore, being an individual is equated with suffering.

Written by Mateo Sol

Mateo Sol is a prominent psychospiritual counselor and mentor whose work has influenced the lives of thousands of people worldwide, he is currently based in Perth, Australia. Born into a family with a history of drug addiction, schizophrenia, and mental illness, Mateo Sol was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. As a spiritual counselor and mentor, Sol’s mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in any stage of life.

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