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100 Signs And Traits Of Narcissists

100 Signs And Traits Of Narcissists

This is a decently extensive list, which is something I tend to look for when I’m re-posting something. I like lists. I like lists that contain a whole lot of information even more. If you’re new to the idea of narcissism and are just doing preliminary research about it, this is a general but informative place to start:

  • A sense of superiority places them above others
  • Must be the center of attention, constantly seeking approval, acknowledgment, kudos, accolades, praise
  • Act like they are the lead character in all things in life
  • Dominate conversations because they believe they have the only worthwhile things to say
  • Want others to give in to their demands, request for favors, and put their needs first
  • Have inflated egos, inflated sense of entitlement, inflated sense of importance, inflated need to be center stage
  • Envious of other people’s accomplishments and will steal, lie, or sabotage others to get attention back to them
  • Envious of other people’s possessions, they will put such ownership down or minimize it to make themselves look more noble

 

  • Search for constant approval and praise to reinforce their false grandiose sense of self, they’re “on- stage,” dominating the conversation, often exaggerating their importance
  • (Since the self is so fragile — an ever crumbling construction of their ego) — use power, money, status, looks, supposed past glories (or supposed future glories) to boost their image
  • See criticism as baseless attacks or betrayal and countered with cold-shoulder anger or rage or chilly stares or verbal attack.
  • Can never accept blame. Others are always to blame.
  • Feel being center of attention is good, right, and proper
  • Have a grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Think they are special, God-touched, or privileged
  • Think they can only be understood by other special or high-status people
  • Have an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment
  • Believe they are beyond the rules. Laws do not apply to them and remorse is only felt when someone catches and confronts them.
  • High maintenance because they need your attention, praise, and deference
  • Fake sweetness, honor, and good intentions, but deprive them of something they want and look out as they reveal their true selves.

 

  • Express grand, exciting plans, but rarely can make them happen
  • Blame others rather than take personal responsibility
  • Lack of empathy colors everything they do.
  • May say, “How are you?” when you meet, but they are not interested
  • Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
  • Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
  • Lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.
  • If you point out an error they made, they go into defensive mode counter any such notion with anger, venting, rage, cold-shoulder, or withdraw
  • Give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
  • They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
  • Help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
  • Extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
  • Make you feel special & then emotionally distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
  • Use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
  • Groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
  • Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority.
  • Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.

 

  • Expect others to do mundane things, since they feel too important to do them
  • Constantly use of “I”, “me,” and “my” when they talk.
  • Very rarely talk about their inner life, memories, and dreams, for example.
  • Lie, using subterfuge and deception as tools
  • Are stuck in one level of maturity where growth is not an option
  • Only have eyes for “me, myself, and I” instead of “we”
  • Don’t understand empathy, except to fake it as a tool
  • Play “Give to Get” by being nice or helpful only to expect reciprocation
  • Put on the air of “having it all together” and will not readily admit failure or weakness
  • Jump to defensive mode readily and frequently
  • May apologize, but it doesn’t mean a real change in behavior
  • Run from their own problems rather than tackling them
  • Demand your trust rather than being transparent and earning it
  • See you as extensions of themselves and resist your freedom
  • Create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
  • Must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.

 

  • Find personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.
  • Will rarely listen to or respect your “No”
  • Take advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
  • Appear tough-minded or unemotional
  • React to criticism with anger, blame-shifting, shaming or humiliating others
  • Fail to recognize people’s emotions and feelings
  • Exaggerate achievements, personal history or talents
  • Are unpredictable in mood and behavior
  • Become aggressive, hostile, verbally vicious, or withdraws when threatened
  • Can vocalize regret for a short time when found out, but soon rationalizes it away
  • Appearance is important, so primping or fastidiousness is common
  • Withdraw or a cold shoulder is used as a tool to make you do what they want
  • Rationalize everything to make sure they always come out on top
  • Will steal an idea, quote, lesson plan, piece of wisdom — call it their own
  • Groom underlings and create organizational or business environments to suit their need for ego-stroking
  • Create Employment Hemorrhage — narcissists drive people away with inconsistent, raging, and arrogant actions.
  • Tend to be a lot of talks — fantasizing about power, success, and attractiveness
  • Can suck up to bosses while talking down to those they think inferior
  • Expect others to go along with them because their plans are better or special
  • Expect constant praise and attention
  • When work or plans fail, will blame others and make it sound plausible
  • Will take advantage of co-workers
  • Will be jealous of others’ success but wear a face of confidence
  • Play the “If you don’t like it I’m taking my ball and going home” game
  • Exaggerate abilities and uses blame-shifting to cover deficits
  • Can’t understand “There is no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’.”

 

  • Often argumentative, but arguments are convoluted, emotional, irrational
  • They feel that the rules at work don’t apply to them.
  • They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
  • If you share the workload with them, expect to do the lion’s share yourself.
  • They love to delegate work or projects and then interfere by micro-managing things
  • If things go well, they take the credit; if the work turns out badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
  • There tend to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
  • They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
  • Value religiosity’s rules or business protocol over spiritual growth.
  • Take pride in their own righteousness and rightness.
  • Attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs.
  • Can’t believe they make mistakes.
  • Have an inability to feel or process or truly understand shame.
  • Create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears to manipulate later.
  • Don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.

 

  • Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
  • Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
  • Are black holes, working to get time, money, or talent from you.
  • Expect you to lend a listening ear and give votes of approval.
  • Use emotional withdraw to create guilt and compliance.
  • Will use the parental or child role to get what they want.
  • Will betray secrets to feel more powerful.
  • Can use flattery or sickly-sweet protests of innocence like a stealth weapon.
  • Use verbal skills to block or deflect being confronted.
  • Impact our lives negatively despite appearing to have some positive effect.
  • Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
  • Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
  • Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
  • Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age, making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.

Written by Lori Hoeck

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