Insecurity is a quite common phenomenon that can pop up in any relationship at some point of time or the other. However, it is important that you do not let that insecurity get the better of you, at any point of time and ruin your relationship. The same goes for jealousy. Relationship experts and counselors are of the opinion that jealousy can be very destructive for a relationship. It is an established truth that jealousy can be as toxic as death for a relationship.
Therefore tread very carefully with issues like insecurity and jealousy, try to nip these issues in the bud when they pop up in your relationship because these can prove to be fatal.
Now, what is retroactive jealousy in a relationship?
It is jealousy alright, but jealousy related to a partner’s past. Your partner is a mature individual, an adult who quite naturally has had some relationships, sexual encounters, and physical as well as emotional experiences in the past. They, of course, have moved on from the past and are happy being in a relationship with you right now. You are their present, you are the one who they clearly cherish and adore.
However, the number of sexual conquests or serious relationships your partner has had in the past becomes a serious issue for you that keeps you bugging you and you certainly do go through periods of intense jealousy for the same. This is something that is plaguing your mental health, leaving you in a restless and disturbed state, and having a severe negative impact on your relationship as well.
Now that you have recognized that retroactive jealousy is very harmful to your relationship, you must learn to deal with this issue in a manner that is healthy for the mental health of you and your partner, as well as the longevity of your relationship, which has been built by efforts and love from both sides.
Here are some ways to deal with retroactive jealousy in a relationship and overcome it easily:
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes
Once you do this, you will realize how unreasonable you were being. Everyone has had past experiences and fond memories that they cherish with certain individuals. But that was a past phase of their relationship and they have moved on. Those individuals are not associated with their present, you are. It is quite possible that you yourself have had sexual encounters and short/long-lasting relationships or flings in the past and you have most certainly moved on from them and those individuals. They might occupy a small nook and corner in your memory, but never a constant in your thoughts. It is, therefore, essential that you consider the very fact that it is the same thing for your partner, and they have feelings no more for those people who are nothing but a part of the past, which is long gone from their lives.
Stop underestimating yourself
When does an individual underestimate themselves? When they are not confident enough about themselves. It is in these cases when they are most vulnerable to frequent and unhealthy bouts of jealousy, insecurity, and depression. Stop comparing yourself with your present partner’s past conquests. Stop thinking that they were better than you, or perhaps that your partner was happier when he/she was with them.
There are reasons why those relationships did not work out, why your partner is not with them anymore, and most importantly, why they are with YOU now. So, focus on yourself, try to improve yourself as an individual, remember that your relationship does not define who you are. It should not be the only thing that you should focus on, you have other things to do in your life as well- things that are fundamental for your growth.
Let go of the past
Holding on to the past won’t do anybody any good and the earlier you realize it, the better for you. Your past does not define you, however intense the experiences might be, they are in the past now.
Retroactive jealousy is never good for any relationship, and the sooner you dispose off it, the better. I hope these tips are of help for the same!
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