Self-Loathing: 15 Signs to recognise self-hate and Why it Happens

Self-Loathing: 15 Signs to recognise self-hate and Why it Happens

Your life is a living hell.

No matter what you do, no matter where you go, there’s the unshakeable feeling within you that you’re pathetic, worthless, ugly, stupid, and a total failure at everything.

You may achieve something, you may be given love and affection, but you brush it off because of the toxic shame-ridden self-loathing voice within you that whispers:

Who do you think you are? You’re no one. You’re not good enough. You’ll never be good enough. Stop fooling yourself you f*cking idiot. 

Can you relate to this incessant feeling of self-loathing and self-hatred?

Do you feel like, no matter what you do, you’re unimportant, inferior, unwanted, broken, hopeless, useless, ridiculous, and unlovable? 

I have been there before.

In fact, my self-hatred at one point was so strong that I resorted to self-harm in order to cope with it. For many years I was trapped in the prison of my mind and it was a horrific experience – something that many people cannot even begin to understand.

The truth is that there’s no quick one-size-fits-all solution for self-loathing. But there are many ways to overcome it. And the fact that you’re here is already one step in the right direction toward self-love and self-compassion.

Self-Loathing Definition

What is Self-Loathing?

Self-loathing is synonymous with self-hatred: it’s an extreme dislike of oneself. It’s fuelled by anger, low self-esteem, and a distorted perception of oneself due to misguided thoughts and self-beliefs. In most cases, self-loathing is the result of having a dysfunctional upbringing.

Hating Yourself: 3 Reasons Why it Happens

Hating yourself sucks. And it’s more complex than it looks on the surface.

In order to overcome your self-loathing, you need to understand why it happens and where it came from.

There are three main reasons at the root of hating yourself:

  1. Poor family environment
  2. Poor social environment
  3. Ego possession / soul loss

1. Poor family environment

Firstly there is the poor family environment. When we’re raised in a family that is either (a) too smothering and possessive or (b) too neglectful and dismissive of us – or in some cases both combined – we internalize the idea that there’s something defective or wrong with us. Why else would our parents or family members behave in that way? Why else would they harm us? Mommy and daddy are meant to love us, right?

You see, as young children, we needed to see our parents in an almost godlike way. To us, they needed to be right, to be safe, to be infallible because if we mistrusted them it would have been very hard for us to survive (emotionally, mentally, and in some cases physically). Therefore, instead of critically analyzing and condemning our parents (which young children don’t have the cognitive capacity to do), we turned the blame onto ourselves. We felt there was something wrong with us. We felt that we were wrong, bad, and shameful for the way our parents/family members treated us. We took the blame for something they did wrong.

And thus, we have one major cause of self-loathing: it’s based on the misguided core belief that we adopted as children that there’s something fundamentally wrong with us.

Written by Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at

“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.” ― Philip K. Dick, VALIS

It Is Sometimes An Appropriate Response To Reality To Go Insane.

It’s Better To Be Absolutely Ridiculous Than To Be Absolutely Boring.