Being in a relationship, being in love with your present partner is something that each and every person cherishes and desires. Take into consideration a situation where you are happy in a new relationship with your boyfriend, and in the due course of conversation you want to know more about him, in order to get to know him better. Inevitably at one point in time, his past comes up as a topic of discussion. You might initially feel quite curious to know about his past, whom he has dated earlier and why did they break up in the first place.
He might be open about his past to you, sharing details about his ex-girlfriend and the relationship that he shared with her. Soon enough, you come across the happy couple pictures that they might have shared earlier on social media and start feeling insecure about the relationship that you have with your boyfriend now. Unknowingly, self-doubt starts to creep in within you as you begin making comparisons between yourself and your boyfriend’s ex. This comparison can prove to be unhealthy and even destructive for you and your relationship. Your boyfriend may have had a great relationship with his ex, but when it comes to you, you have to stop comparing yourself to his ex.
Here’s why you should stop comparing yourself to your boyfriend’s ex at all times:
1. Comparing yourself with another person is never a good idea:
The act of comparing yourself with other human beings is never a good idea, in general – be it on the professional or personal front. This is because each of us are manufactured differently, and possibly cannot look, behave, think or act the same. When you compare yourself with someone else and think they might be better off because of certain abilities of theirs or certain things that they possess which you don’t, you are actually underplaying and undermining yourself – because the people you compare yourself with – they might not have the things that you do. Each of us is unique and is gifted in different ways. It is highly unlikely that one’s characteristics will match with another’s. When you compare yourself with your partner’s ex, all you are doing is inviting trouble for yourself. When you compare yourself with your partner’s ex, all you are doing is inviting trouble for yourself.
2. Comparison with another person makes you feel insecure:
Let us discuss how troubling it can be for you and those who are around you when you compare yourself with your boyfriend’s ex. You might feel that they are better-looking than you, they had a better career than you, or even might have had a better relationship with your boyfriend than the one you may have with them now. All of the above might hold some truth, but what you need to keep in mind here is that you must not feel insecure about yourself, the way you look or even the relationship that you share with your partner. Your partner has chosen to be with you because they love you, they love the way you look and the way you treat them – this should be the greatest truth about your relationship.
3. Comparing yourself with your partner’s ex makes you lose faith in the relationship:
When you constantly think about the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex and in how many ways it might have been “better”, you are not being fair to yourself, or your boyfriend for that matter, for the two of you have chosen to be together because you two like each other. There is no point in constant comparison by going back and dwelling on things of the past because it will make you lose faith in your relationship. You have to learn to live in the present.
4. Comparison can give rise to mental health issues:
Comparing yourself with your partner’s ex will give rise to paranoia in your mind, which will creep in in a rather unknowing way as you go about trying to do things the way that person did, or behaving like they used to – after hearing their description from your partner. You will always wonder why your partner’s earlier relationship was better than the relationship that you have with him at the present moment – this illusion will inevitably give rise to frustrations and negative thinking. As a result of this, stress, anxiety and eruption of other mental health issues are not uncommon.
5. Comparison will have a negative effect on your relationship:
When you compare yourself with your boyfriend’s ex, you are no doubt, bringing a lot of toxicity and negativity into your relationship unknowingly. Comparison will make you feel like you are not good enough for your partner and make you lose your self-belief and self-confidence. It will be detrimental for the well-being of both you and your relationship. If you do want to make your relationship work, you have to stop comparing yourself with anybody else in the first place.
To conclude, comparison with your partner’s ex is never a good thing, because you lose faith on yourself and your relationship in so many ways. Comparison can, indeed have a detrimental impact on you and everything around you. It is better to be content in yourself, cherish all that you have in life and live in the present moment. We hope this article helps you!