A healthy relationship is not one where the partners do not ever fight or steer clear of arguments/disagreements in any form, but one in which the partners have a mutual understanding between them and have enough tolerance to take note of the other person’s viewpoint without being arrogant, unreasonable. Losing grip of one’s temper and throwing tantrums in a fit of rage and saying hurtful, mean things to the partner might prove to be terribly detrimental for the relationship. Saying things you don’t mean, only to fuel your enraged ego might make you the winner in the situation but makes you lose your partner’s respect, care, and trust to some extent. This can even ruin your relationship permanently and you might just end up going separate ways(in rare scenarios though).
So, what do you do to overcome situations like these in your life? No doubt, arguments in a relationship are inevitable occurrences. How do you convince yourself to keep your temper in check at difficult times, in moments panned by anxiety and random outbursts of anger?
First of all, you must learn to keep a cool head, deal with situations in a dignified, rational manner, and most important of all, mind your words. What you say leaves a lasting impression and how they look at you, even though you might disregard them as mere words or phrases and nothing more. Saying certain things best be avoided in a relationship, in order for it to nurture and grow.
Below mentioned are 6 things you should never say in a relationship:
1. “Please don’t leave.”
This is one of the most underconfident ways you portrait yourself in front of the other person, this not only indicates the fact how much you undervalue yourself but also how insecure you are in the relationship. Don’t put yourself down, not in front of yourself or of others. Be assured and confident of yourself. Again, if your partner constantly tries to find ways or excuses to break up with you, never, ever beg them to stay. Let them go without being clingy or needy towards them.
2. “We might just end our relationship.”
When it comes to the other way around, it is not a sensible decision to constantly threaten your partner about you leaving them at the slightest issue or disagreement between you two. Be a mature adult, sit down, and talk things out with the other person.
3. “You’re just such a/an _______________”
Fill in the blank spot with a derogatory or demeaning word of any kind. Doesn’t look like a pretty picture, does it? Name-calling and abusing your partner in a fit of rage or an unprecedented situation can be one of the worst things you can do, not only it makes your partner feel horrible about themselves, they feel looked down upon and disrespected (you lose respect in their eyes, by the way) it ruins your relationship as well.
4. “You’re overreacting, just let it go.”
Being a good listener is one of the essentials of being a good partner. If you are unable to empathize with your partner and lend an ear (and preferably a shoulder) when they need you the most, it is quite unlikely that you will get the same reciprocation when YOU need them. Trivializing the situation or being insensitive to their feelings also would not help much in situations like these. Also, make sure it’s not any action of yours that is bugging them in any way whatsoever. If it is, try and understand where you went wrong and try to rectify yourself, if possible.
5. “It’s okay/it’s fine.”
Hiding your true feelings and acting like everything is fine when it clearly isn’t can end up in both partners being hurt and feeling misunderstood. Also, your partner will some time or the other, clearly understand that all is not well and might end up resenting you for not opening up to them. Instead, talking to your partner about how you really feel deep down and opening up about things that bother you will ensure transparency in the relationship, it will boost mutual trust and an overall harmonious relationship.
6. “You are responsible for everything that went wrong.”
Blaming your partner incessantly would only make them drift away further from you. In case of any argument, it is the general scenario that both parties are at fault and it rarely happens that only because of one person’s mistake, the entire situation has occurred. Be mature enough to accept the responsibility on your part, and talk things out.
We all make mistakes in relationships, after all, no one is the epitome of perfection and “to err is human”, very much human. However, we must be mindful of the words that we choose while conversing with someone, also be mindful of our actions, because, at times, actions do speak louder than words. We must ensure that we do not repeat the same mistake twice.
We all need love and affection at the end of the day, and being nurtured and taken care of by our partners is something that we all deserve. Relationships need to be nurtured the same way and given enough time to flourish and develop. Mistakes might happen along the way, take them as learning experiences, and move forward.